i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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