i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The best revenge is premature balding
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
