I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
