Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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