I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
