If i come over, it means nothing
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
