ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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