so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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