you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
