Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
