my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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