and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
