I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
