I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
