I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
