u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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