if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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