my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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