bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
