I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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