in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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