my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
