so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize