When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
