what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
