she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The air taste purple.
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