Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize