its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize