we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
