I will die if light touches me.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
