Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize