hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
