I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
