haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
