I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
