can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
