Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
