yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
