And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
