hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
