i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
