So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
