i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
