i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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