Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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