that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
