I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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