Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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