So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
