I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
