Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
