Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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