the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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