College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
