Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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