I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
