I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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