woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
