He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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