So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize