She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
