the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
