I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You work out of a Hotel?
My balls are so social today.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
