Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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