she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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