You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
